MASTOR AAR CHATRO

Ek baar ek gramer mastermosai re taan ek chuto chatroy ek goti gorur doodh aniya dilo:
“Sal Sal, amar maye nani apnar lagi ek goti gorur doodh pathaison”. 

Master babu to doodh paiya khoob khusi oila. Tain koila:
"Isssh…oto kosto korar ki dorkar, tumar mare amar dik taki dhonyobad janaiyo. Boro bala manus tain."

Chatrotay koilo:
"Asole Sal..amrar ghoro nani kalke birale (cat) doodh-o mukh dilaisil. Otar-lagi to maye koila je apnare aye doodh ami ditam."

Master babur to ita suniya brohmo talu gorom oi gelo. Doodor goti re raage ii-taiya falaila. Goti falaite hi chatrotay je amon jure kanda shuru korlo………woyaaaaaa.

Mastere jigala: “oi..oi..kandos kene? Kita oise? Tor abar kita oise?"

Chatroytai koilo: "Kandtam nani….amarar goro ektai paykhanar goti asil ar itareo apne bhangi laila. Okhon amra paikhanat jaimu kirokom??"

TOILET-E SORDAR

Ek bar Brahmaputra Mail diya ek Sordar Delhi jar. Tar jokhon prosrab dorlo he Toilet-e giya dorja khuliya dekhe je bitre arekta Sardar. 

Asole bitre ekta aiyna (Mirror) asil. Sordare aynat tar reflection dekhia koilo "sorry bhaisahab, maaf karna". Tar pore he dorjar baire darailo onek somoy.

Ektu pore hey abar toilet-er dorja khuliya dekhe je arekta Sardar dekha jaar. Tara tari dorja bondo koriya darailo. 

Ektu pore hey okhon bujhlo je pante-punte muti dibo, kunu mote trainor ek chifat giya mutlo. Oto kosto koriya to tar matha gorom hoilo. Bhablo "halar beta Sordar, ticket-tuket nai mone-koy, otar lagi toilet-o dukiya boi-roise."

Train jokhon ekta station-o thamlo he Guard-re koilo (Guard-o ekta Sardar): "Guard sahab, dekhiye na toilet me ek admi bahut der-se chuppa huwa hai. Lagta hai uske paas ticket nahi hai aur isliye woh toilet se bahar nahi aa raha".

Guard-e ita suniya laf mari uthlo, " KYA BINA TICKET KA? SALE KO ABHI MEIN BATATA HUN".

Sardar nijer seato giya boilo ar Guard-ta gelo toilet dekhat. Ektu pore Sardar-e dekhlo guard-re. Sardar-e jigailo, "KYA HUA GUARD SAHAB, WOH MILA?"

Guard-tay aste aste koilo..."ARE BHAISAHAB, WOH TO RAILWAY STAFF KA AADMI HAI. WOH BHI GUARD HAI"

BRAIN EATING SCIENTIST

Bharoter Rajdhani Delhi te poisa dile sob kicchu pow-wa jai. Ek bar ek American scientist-e Delhit aiya bhablo “ajke manusher khiru (brain) khaimu".

Scientist dukano gelo. Giya deklo je sobche sosta brain oilo SILCHORI brain ar sobche dami brain oilo PUNJABI brain.

Ita dekhiya tar-chirlo tar Dukandar-er upre

SCIENTIST: “sourer baicha, pura songshare sobhe jane je Punjabi hoilo gondo-murkho, muta mata, ar tui ikano Punjabi brainer dam 50,000 taka rakhsos. Fari falai dimu. Chinos na amare. Ubha thuba dam nani? Sesh paibe”.

DUKANDAR: “Sir aapne matha gorm korba na. Sunoin amar kohta. Ashole ita Punjabi hoilo thubla...khiru nai. 2000 tare marle ekta brain pawa jai. Otar lagi dam beshi. Ar silchorer manushra khub khiru. Jare tare marleo brain pawwa jai. Otar lagi sosta. Simple DEMAND AND SUPPLY MODEL, buchoin-ni?"

BABA CHOUKHE DEKHIYAR NA

Ek bar chele babar kase giya koilo: Baba, baba, ami nani chouke bala koriya dekhiyar na. Mone hoy chosma lowa lagbo.

Sylheti babay chelere hatho doriya barir chator uupre loiya gelo.

Baba: Aicha, okhon ami tor chouker porikha loimu. How je dekha jar aakasho ita kita?

Chele: Baba ita hoilo chand, mane ‘Moon’

Baba: Isshh, oit to tor chowk pura theek ase. Tui ar koto dure dekhte?

TOOTA-TA BORO SUNDOR

Ek bar ek bondhur ghoro tar ar-ekta bondhu ghurat gelo. Giya dekhe je bondhuye khub sundor ekta tuta (parrot) palche. Tutar ek powwe lal-suta bandha ar ek powwe neel-suta. Bondhure he jigailo…”Isshh ita kita ba? Ae tutar pawwe suta bandha kene?"
Bondhuye koilo: Are beta ita hoilo chamatkari tuta. Sutat dori tan dile khub misti kota koy.

Bondhuta tokhon lal-sutat doriya tan dilo. Tutai koilo…”RAM, RAM”

Er pore hey Neel-sutat doriya tan dilo. Tutai koilo…”KRISHNA, KRISHNA”

Tokhon bondhutay bhablo ki…”dekhi sain duiyo sutat dori tan dile tuta-tai kita koi?
Duiyo sutat dori jei he tan dile, tutay koilo…” OI SUORER BAICCHA, DUIYO SUTAT DORI TAN DES KENE? JANOS NA AMI NEECHE PORI JAIMU JE…..TUI KITA MAL KHAIYA KANA HOIYA AISOS NI, MODON?"

YOUR HONOUR AMI CHUR NAY

Ek bar Judger samne ekta ukile jera korer.

Ukil: Tey tumi goru churi korso na?

Assami: Na...na...ita kita koin...ami churi korsi na.

Ukil: Kintu FIR-e lekha ase je tumi goru chur. Tey misa maath matray kene? Sothi kori kow kita oisil.

Assami: Your honour, ami goru churi korsi na...ami roshi churi korsi kintu ami jantam na je roshir agat ekta goru bandha asil. roshi loiya jei barit pousi gesi dekhi kita ekta goru-o aise. Ami nirdosi your honour, ami nirdusi.

PUBLICITY DEPARTMENT

Ek bar dui businessman ek songe mara gelo. Tara jokhon sorge gelo tokhon jomrajer ek Agent-e tarare receive korlo.

Agent: “Welcome dada, welcome. Aicha okhon koin chain koi jaita. Apnare option dewa hoibo - Sorgo ar Norok.”

Businessman 1: “Dekho reba. Amra hoilam businessman. Amra bala koriya dekhiya bujiya jaimu. Amrare Sorgo ar Norok dui tai dekhao.”

Agent thokhon prothome tarare sorgot loiya gelo. Businessmen-ra sorgot giya dekhe je jegata khub shantir. Kunu hoi halla nai. Sob manusra gaser nise boiya topoisya korer. Somoy somoy tarare khabar dewa hoy.

Tar pore Agent tarare noroko loiya gelo. Noroko giys dekhlo je jegata udam. Sobe enjoy korer. Kew Mercedes gari chalar, kew swimming korer, kew pao malish korar. Ar dekhe je takar ekta pahar. Jar joto iccha loiya jai.

Tara tokhon Agent-re koilo, “Agent re ba, amrar norok ta khub bala lagse. Noroko jaimu amra.”

Agent-e tarare tokhon nanan documents-o sign korailo ar bitre loiya gelo. Bitra giya dekhe je khub kharaf obosta. Ekta maushre ulta jhulaiya fiter. Ar ekta manus-re korat diya kater. Ek kunat ek jon manusre matith falaiya kuttar moto lattar.

Ita dekhiya to businessmen-ra obak. Koilo, “dada ita kita?” Baire jeta bala jinish dekhailay ita koi?"

Agent tay muski hashi dilo ar koilo: “dada baire jeta dekhso ita hoilo amrar Publicity Department.”

LETTER TO A SARDAR FROM HIS MOTHER

Amrar Silchore ek sordar-re tar maye chiti lekhlo, Jallondor taki.Chitita khub bala. Apneo poriya dekhoin na DADA!
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Jullunder, 21 May, 2006

Priyo Jasbinder,

Amar pronam nish. Ami ei chitita khub dhire-dhire lekhiyar karon tui tara-tari porte paros na. Ami chosma poriya lekhiyar otar lagi tui chosma poriya chitata poris. Amar chosmar power hoilo: Left -1.75, Right – 2.75.

Tor baba okhon 500-jon manusher upre kaj koroin. Kintu tan beton ta khub kom. Tain koborsthano(cemetery) giya ghas katoin. Tan-re khub sombhob koborstano Manager banai dibo.

Tor didir ekta baicha hoise. Kintu ami okhono jani na je it meye na chele. Otar lagi koitam pariyar na je tui UNCLE hoisos na AUNTY. Janar songe songe tore khobor pathaimu ne.

Tui okhon kichu diner jonyo amrare chithi lekhis na. Asole tor Babar ar-ek Sordar bondhu aiya amrar ADDRESS loiya geshe giya. Hey nuton bari banaise otar lagi tar address asil na. Amra okhon Address-heen hoiya ghoruyar. Tor babay koyek diner modhye amrar lagi nuton address kinba. Kinar pore janaimu ne.

Ami tor lagi Julundhar taki coat kinchi. Registered post koriya pathamu. Post-Oficce-e tor babare koise je coater ujon beshi, otar lagi ami shob butam khuliya coater pocket-e dukai dishi. Coat pawar pore butam lagai lais.

Tor kaku Jatinder gashor upre uthiya pori geshil. Asole bristir din asil. He kisku koi masher piche poriya gasho uthsil kintu tar pore ar namte na pariya laf mari dise. He okhon hospitalo admit hoise. Tar chuto chele thanat giya “koi maser” biruddhe FIR lekhse. PUNJAB POLICER team okon koi maser pal gulare khujer. Court-o hazir koraibar lagi. Sesh paibo tara. Judge-e koise je he ita sob koi mas gulare rosha banaiya khaibo. He koise je Koi mas jole thake otar lagi tarar gasher upre uthar kunu RIGHT nai.

Tor lagi ekta PUNJABI meye dekhsi. Meyetai koise tore biya korto nai. Tui bule taire dekhsos na otar lagi.

Tor bondhu Balwinder samudrot sohid(Martyr) hoi gese. Asole tar babar iccha asil je tan morar pore tan re somudrot gara hoito. Balwainder tar babar mara jawar pore somudrot giya joler niche kobor khudar chesta korsil. Nake mukhe jol dukiya mara gese. Tar name amra ekta society banaisi – Sohid Balwinder Memorial Society.

Ami tore kichu taka pathaitam aslam kintu dekhi je ami ENVELOP seal kori laisi. Agami bar pathaimu.

Tor priyo,

Ma

PUNJABI SORDAR-ER TRAIN JATRA

Ek bar ek Sordarje train-o boiya Delhi taki Kanpur jar. Sardar train-e boiya bhablo..train to Kanpur giya raith pousbo, barotar somoy (12 am), ar ami to ghumo thakmu, utmu kirokom. Bhabte Bhabte tar matat ekta IDEA ailo. Tar samne je manusta bowat asil tare hey poinchas teka (Rs. 50) diya koilo.."DADA, OI-LOIN POINCHAS TEKA. TRAIN TA KANPUR POUSLE AMARE JAGAI DIBA. AMAR KHUB GUME DORER.

Manushta asil amar Silchorer Nafeet bhai. He Sordar-re koilo, "THIK ASE DADA, APNE NISCHINTE GHUMAIN, AMI JAGAI DIMU NE APNARE. Er pore sardar gumai gelo. Amrar nafeet bhai-e bhablo "aami to sara mash kuttar moto kaj koriya matro beesh teka kamai ar ee betai amare khali ghum taki utaibar lagi poinchas teka dise. Tar aro kuno seva kora lagbo."

Nafeet bhai-e tokon tar RAZOR bar koriya sordarer sob dari-moos kati dilo..AFTER SHAVE-O LAGAI DILO. Sardar-e kicchu koito pare na...Mekurer moto guja hoiya gumar...gobhir ghumo.

Rait barotar somoy Kanpur ailo. Tokhon Nafeet-bhai Sordar-re uthiya koilo "DADA APNAR KANPUR AIE GESE, UTHI JAIN". Sordar laf mariya uthlo ar koilo "THANK YOU, DADA, APNE AMARE NA JAGAILE AMI TO KOLKATTA GELAM GIYA NE...Thanks you very much.

Sardar tar goro gelo giya. Goro pouchiya jei he mukh dhowar lagi WASHBASIN-o gelo he to ar nijere chinte pare na. Citkair dilo ...AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Chitkar shuniya tar bou douriya ailo," KITA HOISE, TUMI OTO CHITKAR DIRAY KENE?
Sordare koilo, "SUWORER BAICHA, OI MANOOSTARE AMI POINCHAS TEKA DISI AMARE JAGAIBAR LAGI. HEY AMAR KAS TAKI FOISHA LOIYA ARO KEWRE JAGAI DISE."

CHIMPANJIR GOLPO

Ek baar Cachar College taki BA paas korar pore ekta chele Dilli gelo. Delhi giya to hey ar kunu chakri payna. TAAR-TUR CHIRIYA PAGOLER UPOKROM. Koyek din pore khub koste-moste he ekta tution pailo. Je meye tare tution poraito, tair baba asil Zoo-r Manager. Tain tare dekhiya khub kosto paito. Tain koila -- "ish tumare dekhle khub kharap lage. Ami bala kunu chakri paimu, tumare koimu re ba. Chinta koriyo na."

Koyek din pore meyetar baba amrar sylheti master babu re koilo..."suno re ba, ekta bala chakri ase...kintu kila koitam, boro loizza lage."

Master babu-e koilo "Ish oto loizza paiba na..koi lain..jokhon gor taki baroisi ami piyaz chulteyo raji."

Managere koilo - "Dekho re ba, kharap paiyo na..asole amrar Zoor maijhe je Chimpangee ta asil, ita hotat kalke ratre mara geshe. Amra itar chamra ta khuliya rakhsi. Kita tumi Chimpangeer chamra ta poriya Chimpangee oitai parbai ni? Beton paibai pas hazar. Sokale paikhana-puikhana koriya bat-oot kaiya giya Chimangeer chamra ta poriya pura din kaj korbay, aar bikale soitar somoi abar ghoro aitai parbai."

Porer din taki to amrar HERO khawa-dawa koriya sokale Chimpangeer dress poriya Zoor moidhe baicha-bucharare nachiya-nuchiya khela dhekhani arombo korlo. Koyek masher moidhe Chimpangee ta khub famous hoi gelo. Newspaper ar TV-r moidhye khali Chimpangeer golpo. Zoor bhiro barlo. Door door taki manusra tarar baicha-kaicha loya aito. Oto bir..SUI FALAIBAR JEGA NAI. Sob khali Chimpangee re dekhte chai -- je manuser moto hate, manuser moto matit boi, manuser moto khai....

Ek din Zoor Managere amrar hero-re dakiya koilo..."tumi to reba superhit Ooi gelay. Tumi awar pore amrar Zoor aamdani khub barse. Otarlagi ajke taki tumar beton oilo dos Hazar." Ita poisar mat suniya nani, he to aar CHOWKE POTH DEKHE NA. KANA LAGI GESE. Kita korto...khusite pagol. Porer din jokhon he abar Chimpangee oiya ailo, he nuton nuton dance item dekani shuru korlo. Baicchara chatur dike bhir koriya tali dewa shuru korlo.

Er moidhye, he unmad oiya khusite chuto ekta aam-gaser dal doriya jula shuru korlo. Juler..juler. Julte jhule hotath uriya giya porlo bager (TIGER) khasath. Porteyi to doriyaa tar putkiye dewa shuru korlo kortal. Baagta dhire dhire tar dike ailo... samne aiya baghta jei taar buko paw ta raklo..he jure gola fatiya chitkar dilo.."bachao bacho"....Chitkar shuntae bagh ta laf mariya taar mukho tifa diya dorlo aar koilo.... "Dara beta, chillais na...sesh paibe. Tui jodi BA pass hos te amio nu Assam Universitir MA pass. Chup thak. Ita jabra Delhiwala-re modon banaiyar."